Kisami
by Chichiro Ketsueki
Summary: So, she said unto the ultimate bishounen, “Teach me how to be as awesome as you!” And, amazingly, he did…In exchange for her never talking to him again.
1. Kisami Arrives

**Summary: **So, she said unto the ultimate bishounen, "Teach me how to be as awesome as you!" And, amazingly, he did…In exchange for her never talking to him again.

**Claimer: **The overly(if not creepily)-obsessed fangirl Kisami is mine, not that it matters. Also, this strange fanfiction is also mine, as are the concepts and content. Minus, of course, what's listed in the 'disclaimer'. –Points-

**Disclaimer:** If you honestly think I own Yu-Yu-Hakusho, you have a few more screws missing than Kisami. And that's saying something.

**Authoress's Note:** This spawned from a spontaneous idea after seeing the Kurama picture mentioned in this. It has no sense of logic whatsoever, and was only created for my own personal amusement. Feel free to over-look this nonsense, as it really wasn't meant to go anywhere and probably won't. I've had the idea in my mind for a few months, now, but until now I hadn't actually thought of how to start it or anything. I don't plan on continuing this, unless I have a large amount of time to dedicate to fanfiction writing, seeing as how I actuallyusuallylike my others (Not to say I dislike this one, but as I said before, it's just nonsense.), so unless people actually like it I probably won't have any continuation for a while. I just like the concept. Anywho, enjoy this useless almost-parody…_If you can_. Muahahahah! –Cough, gag-

In the words of Mark Twain: Persons trying to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. (From Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.)

**Translation(s):** Kiseichū: Parasite/Useless person

* * *

"Have that one; got it; seen it, didn't like it; got it; got it; got it—Oooo!" A loud squeal followed, accenting the girl's enthusiasm. "I've never even _seen_ that screen shot!" She right clicked, sliding the cursor down over the list and selected 'copy' before opening up a Microsoft Word file and pressing 'paste', adding the picture to an already-huge collection of Hiei pictures. "Although," she muttered, as an after-thought, "I do know what he's saying." She proceeded to quickly mutter, "'I pursue strength! I do not have time for your trivial—' and then Kurama _interrupts_ him," as if to prove it, and she seethed quietly for only a moment before she regained her previous grin and re-opened the internet window, scanning down the list of pictures and seeing if there were any she hadn't saved. 

After only a few moments, she growled, "I _have_ all these!" and opened the Word document again, deciding to re-scan the pictures as she continued to rant to herself. "I mean, _honestly_, you'd think with a 231-picture gallery that there would be at least more than _one_ picture that I didn't have."

She rolled her eyes, then forgot her annoyance as she came across a particularly nice screen shot, the page progression halted momentarily before she snapped out of it, continuing to scroll down. "Hey," she said, a confused expression coming to her face, "how'd that get there?" She straightened from her hunched over posture and looked at the Kurama screen shot. "I don't remember saving a Kurama picture." It was the image of Kurama extending his hand toward the, for lack of better terms, 'camera', with some sort of petal falling around him. "Well, it is a good picture." Without realizing it, she made the air-headed move to take his hand, and simply because she wasn't paying attention, wasn't surprised to find her hand go through the glass with ease. However, the fact that she was suddenly and quite randomly transported and found herself in the middle of the sky and falling was a bit alarming, and she proceeded to hit the ground with a large _thud!_ At least she had a cushion. A live cushion, by the looks of it, with gravity-defying hair.

…Very _familiar_ gravity-defying hair. "H-Hiei?"

Hiei twitched, thrusting the girl off him, then stood and glared at her. "Where did you come from, human?"

"…Huh?" She stared, dumb-founded, then met his cruel, cold, crimson eyes…and proceeded to melt into a puddle of fangirliness, and Hiei stared at her a moment before she re-formed, looking completely love-struck; she noticed he had his sword drawn. "What's that for?" She pointed at the katana, then a slow grin slid across her face and she snuck over to him and began to rub her face on the blunt side, muttering, "Shinyyyyy…"

He watched her with a blank expression for a moment, then said, "Are you even _aware_ that you completely lost form just then?" _And that sort of thing shouldn't even be_ possible, he thought.

"'Course it's possible. We're in an anime—anything's possible." She found herself completely calm and fairly positive toward the concept, though she was a bit confused on why she had been randomly flung into this world, and also why she had landed on _Hiei_ when she had reached to take _Kurama's_ hand. But she definitely wasn't about to complain.

He was unable to do anything but stare. "What the hell are you talking about? And how did you read my mind?" His gaze lingered on her forehead, which was bare of a jagan, for only a few seconds before he became aware of the fact that there was still a tug at his katana, and he wrenched it from her stroking grasp and sheathed it. If she didn't even have a good reason for how to melt, obviously it couldn't be used as a weapon, and he had nothing to worry about.

…Besides the fact that she had this strange, hungry glint in her eyes that scared him severely.

"'Cause, like I said, we're in an anime. And thoughts are said out loud, even though the other characters can't hear 'em. Duh."

It became very clear to him that this girl had a few screws missing. Quite a few. Or maybe she didn't have any screws at all, and in that case she'd need one helluva screwdriver. "Enough of this. You're obviously insane."

"Insane? Me?" She grinned again, then cackled strangely. "Of course I'm insane! It's what makes life complete _bliss_!"

Hiei rolled his eyes and turned away from her, about to walk away, but he was bowled over and latched on to. "_Agh!_" He struggled into a sitting position and realized she was still attached to his leg and was leaning on to his knee like it was a beloved stuffed animal. "Get off me, damn it!" Again, he was only met with that creepy-as-hell hungry look in her eyes, and he made another feeble attempt at wriggling his leg from her grasp. "Kiseichū," he snarled, spitting the word like a swear word, but she just blinked at him in a way what showed how clueless she was.

"What's that mean? 'S it some form of _endearment_?" She hugged his leg closer for the briefest of seconds, which sent Hiei into another fit of trying to escape her. How some scrawny little human could keep such a firm hold was beyond him.

"Of course not!" He let out a long, impressive string of profanities used and linked in ways that hinted that he had learned it at a very young age. Heaving in a large sigh, he glared down at his newly-acquired leech and stood, struggling to keep balance with her firmly clasped around the lower half of his right leg. "In case you were unaware, I _was_ trying to walk before. If you'd kindly get the hell off me, I could resume that."

She grinned, her eyes squeezed shut, and she mildly resembled a short-faced pug. Not a cute one, either. Rather one that looked quite rabid and as if it deserved to be put to sleep. "Not a chance!" she replied in her always-cheery, quite-spastic voice.

Hiei sweat-dropped, earning a giggle from the girl attached to him as if she were fused on to his leg. "Could you at least _move_?" He figured if he could manage to drag her all the way to Kurama's house (If he didn't die from the indignity of it all first.) that the spirit fox could find some way of getting her off. He could kill her without remorse, and it definitely wasn't the fear of remorse that was keeping him from doing that—it was this sneaking suspicious that she'd snap right back twice-as-worse if he tried.

"Move? Where?"

"Somewhere else," Hiei replied flatly, getting annoyed "I don't care. Just don't make me drag you on my leg."

"Can I…piggy-back you?"

He could hear the enthusiasm in her voice at the idea, and he groaned, but immediately saw the opportunity there. "Sure, fine."

She moved with surprising quickness and had herself at his torso before he could blink, but he weaved an arm underneath her and wrenched her free with a 'hah!' of triumph that was cut short as he realized she was still attached to his arm.

"I thought you might try something like that," she purred in her usual creepy voice, "so…" She lifted one arm halfway so that he could see her wrist, which had a metal clasp on it, and Hiei's eyes slid sideways to his own wrist in horror as he saw a second clasp, attached by a chain.

"But—how did you even…" He cut off, his surprise quickly becoming annoyance, and he spoke again with an icy glare. "You definitely didn't have those handcuffs before."

She just stared at him incredulously, then grinned and reiterated, "Anime!"

"…Right. I forgot that handy fact of us 'being in an anime'."

He noted with annoyance that she didn't get the fact that he wasn't serious, and then she muttered, "Maybe you aren't as smart as I thought if you can forget _that_."

"…Hn."

She made a strange squealing noise that resembled 'squee' and finished making her way to his back and wrapped her legs around him.

Hiei rolled his eyes. He had also spontaneously 'forgot' the piggy-back ride, too. "Quit that," he growled at her when he wrapped her arm (Her other was still relatively trapped by the handcuffs) around his neck.

"Well, if you aren't going to keep me from falling like you're _supposed_ to when someone rides you piggy-back—"

"I refuse to support your cause," Hiei mumbled back, wondering how it was that he was so short and yet she was still so small compared to him. "How old are you, girl?"

"Fifteen. And don't call me 'girl'. I have a name, you know."

Hiei actually chuckled at that, and when she looked at him over his shoulder he said, "Fifteen? I would have never guessed. Ten at the most, but _fifteen_? You must be legally considered a midget."

She twitched. "Hey! I'm not a midget! I'm barely shorter than you!"

"I'm hardly tall. Don't use that fact to your advantage, onna."

"…I _said_ I _have_ a _name_." She emphasized her words in odd places to accent what she'd said, though what she said was still pointless to Hiei.

"I don't care."

"Well, just don't call me 'girl', or…or…or whatever else you called me."

"Hn. _Onna_."

She growled. "Look, you have to deal with me until you find a way to get me off, so it would be best not to tick me off."

"Are you threatening me?" he said dangerously, and they exchanged glares over his shoulder for a few seconds before she broke off and 'squee'ed again. He rolled his eyes and groaned. The momentary lapse into halfway-serious conversation had only been a short luxury, and he realized it would probably be one of the only such times.

"You sound so _amazinggggg_ when you say that!"

"Why the hell do you feel the need to drag all your words out?"

"Why the hell do _you_…" She paused, obviously thinking of a come-back, though he could tell by her expression that she couldn't think of any.

"Too feeble-minded to think of anything, onna?"

"—insist on not calling me my name?" she finished in an attempted grand tone as he gave her an idea.

"Because one, I don't know it, and two, I don't care to."

"Why not?"

"Because you're like a retarded puppy," he replied with a roll of his eyes. "Doesn't deserve to be named, just to be rid of to someone who can actually like it. Or try to."

The word 'retarded' and the second sentence seemed to've flown right over her head. "Whee, you compared me to a puppy!"

He considered responding, but decided it wasn't even worth it to try.

"Come on, ask me my name."

"No."

"Please?"

"Why would I?"

She squinted at nothing in particular, considering, then grinned and suggested the only thing she figured would make him actually ask: "So I'll stop asking you to? I'll stop talking if you ask me my name."

Hiei sighed in resignation, then seethed, "Fine. What's your name?"

"Kisaaaami," she responded with a grin.

"Kisami," he repeated flatly. "Great. Now will you shut up?"

She just grinned wider and nodded emphatically, obedient.

Hiei dreaded what the others would do when they saw this. _Knowing those jack-asses, they'll enjoy it_, he thought.

"Enjoy what?"

"Quit _doing_ that," Hiei spat, finally understanding why Yusuke and Kuwabarra hated having their minds read. But at least he had a _tool_ to use. Reading someone's mind without a jagan just came off as down-right _creepy_…Then again, that word wasn't too far from describing this girl (He refused to even _think_ of her as Kisami.).

"Well?" she persisted. "Enjoy what?"

"Weren't you supposed to be shutting up?"

She immediately snapped her mouth shut and nodded exaggeratedly, and Hiei figured the fact that she listened to him so easily was the only positive of this entire happening. Hey, at least there _was_ a positive. Having a strange girl attached to you like a conjoined twin wasn't the most fun of situations.

After dodging odd looks for roughly two minutes, Hiei landed outside Kurama's bedroom window on a convenient tree branch, stepping inside.

Downstairs, Kurama heard the loud shout of, "_FOX!_" and wondered what problem Hiei had gotten himself into this time. The fire demon's random visits made him glad not to live with Shiori anymore (After all, the human woman had not quite enjoyed them.). "Yes, Hiei?" called an already exasperated Kurama; he could tell by Hiei's tone that this wasn't his normal I-somehow-got-myself-wounded-and-need-help. It was more like I-have-a-flesh-eating-disease tone, but somehow Kurama doubted that.

"If you'd kindly get this _thing_ off me, it would be greatly appreciated." The demon showed in the doorway to Kurama's kitchen, and the fox sweat-dropped.

"Hiei…do I even want to know why you have a girl on your back?" Kurama restrained the urge to call her 'human girl', seeing as how he wasn't sure if she knew anything about the two of them being non-humans. He highly doubted she did, but then again, she was on Hiei's back. That in itself seemed like quite a feat, so maybe thinking she knew about them being demons wasn't too far-fetched.

"…No. No you don't. Just get her off."

"Well, regardless of what you say, I _am_ curious about why she's there. So tell me and I'll make my mind up about whether or not to—" After a dangerous glare from Hiei, Kurama coughed once and started again. "Tell me and I'll help you out."

"I don't know where she came from and I don't care. But she's proven to be close to a psycho-stalker and she won't let go of me." Hiei looked so pitifully annoyed it was humorous. "I'd say that's enough motivation." The half-Koorime crossed his arms in front of him, earning a short struggle from the girl to keep herself on his back.

Kurama shifted his gaze to the 'psycho-stalker'. "What's your name?"

"See? _See_!" she ranted at Hiei. "_Someone_ around here knows how to ask someone their _name_ instead of calling them 'girl' or…or…or…"

"Onna," Hiei finished, just so she'd shut up.

"Right. That." She snorted, then looked over at Kurama, grinning. "Holy _crap_! I don't know how I didn't notice you before! You're Kurama!"

Hiei shrugged when Kurama glared at him accusingly. "I told her nothing, fox. She just…knows things. And she can read minds, apparently. She seems to think we're in an anime."

"'Cause we _are_," the girl groaned impatiently, and then, after a single glance from Kurama, she seemed to remember his question, and she extended her hand over Hiei's shoulder and said, "I'm Kisa—ACK!" The 'ack' was due to the fact that Hiei had grabbed her wrist and flung her off his back, even though due to the handcuffs she remained next to him, though she was sprawled on the floor, looking dazed.

Kurama ignored her for a moment and looked up at Hiei. "Kisa-ack?" he quoted with mild amusement, then went to the girl and helped her stand. "What did you say your name was?"

"…Kisami." Her tone was flat, and she directed a cold glare at Hiei, which was returned with a much colder one. This, of course, only made her giggle and try and attach herself to him again, but he stopped her easily with a single hand, now that he was used to her spontaneous attacks.

"Are those…handcuffs?" Kurama uttered a sound quite like 'eep' after Hiei's pissed-off death glare switched from Kisami to Kurama when he asked.

"Yes. Now get them off so I can free myself from this rabid leech."

"'Rabid leech'? She's just a deranged human, Hiei, no need for insults."

"Deranged human?" Kisami asked, and for a moment Kurama thought she might attack him, but then she giggled strangely and said, "Wow, you sure do know how to compliment someone."

Hiei completely ignored her intervention. "What do you mean, 'no need for insults'? You just insulted her, too, so if you're allowed to, then I'm going to."

"I didn't insult her, I was just stating what was plainly obv—"

"Kurama." Hiei's flat voice was dangerously calm, and it silenced Kurama immediately, who sweat-dropped nervously.

"Right." He looked over at Kisami. "Do you have a key for the handcuffs?"

"…Maaaaybe," was the spastic, drawn-out response.

Hiei twitched, attempting to ignore the fact that Kisami had attached herself to the hand he had used to stop her attempted attack and was hugging it.

"I'd greatly appreciate if you released Hiei," Kurama continued calmly. "Or, maybe you could at least tell me why you've hand-cuffed him to you?"

"No, _no_ 'maybe's," Hiei growled, "and no 'or's. Just _get her off_."

"Okay, we'll talk about that afterward."

Kisami pouted, looking away from Kurama's green-eyed gaze and said in a puppy-tone, "But I don't _want_ to let him go."

"Please, Kisami. Just release him and we can talk."

"Like hell we'll talk," Hiei muttered angrily, but after a warning glare from Kurama said in a pitiful attempt (That made it clear he wasn't really trying), "Of course we'll talk." He paused, then continued in a seething whisper, "If you get off me so I can kill you."

Kisami sighed heavily, then dug into her pocket and retrieved a key, offering it over to Kurama.

After being released, Hiei started to turn to escape, but was stopped by the fact that Kisami was still linked on to his hand, a grin that made her look like she was the Grinch that just stole Christmas from Whoville plastered on her lips. "Kiseichū," Hiei repeated.

Kurama couldn't help but snicker. "I find her charming," he told Hiei in a 'Ha ha, at least it isn't me who's suffering' voice.

Hiei groaned, then whipped his hand quickly from Kisami's grasp and flickered from view to reappear on the other side of Kurama's kitchen, a safe distance from the strange human girl.

"Kisami, why exactly were you handcuffed to Hiei?"

The girl was distracted (thankfully) from going to attack Hiei again, and she looked at Kurama like she found him incompetent. "'Cause I handcuffed myself to 'im. Duh."

"…What I mean is, _why_ did you handcuff yourself for him?"

She stared at him, then began to motion exaggeratedly as she spoke in an extremely enthused voice. "'Cause Hiei's the most awesome person alive! I mean, come _on_, he's the ultimate bishounen!" Kurama quirked a brow at Hiei, but she continued. "He's hot and snide and sarcastic and cruel, and _seriously_, what's not to love? Who _wouldn't_ handcuff themselves to Hiei at the first chance they got?"

"I, for one," Kurama mumbled, quickly adding, "No offense."

"None taken. I'm actually quite pleased that you said that," was the muttered response from Hiei. "I'd be a bit afraid if you planned on trying what she did."

Kisami, oblivious, was still talking about how sexy and amazing Hiei was, unnoticed by the two demons. "And _that_," she finished, again attempting to sound grand and failing miserably (Maybe it was just her height. Someone roughly in-between Hiei and Genkai's stature couldn't really be taken seriously.), "is why I handcuffed myself to Hiei."

Kurama stared at her a moment, then grinned and weakly said, "…Oh."

Hiei rolled his eyes, about to leave and dump his parasitic burden on Kurama, when Kisami shouted, "Hiei, wait! I want you to teach me how to be as awesome as you!"

Both of the demons in the room could do nothing but gape at her, until Kurama started to laugh. Hiei flashed the fox a short glare before growling, "No," shortly.

"Pleeeease?"

"Why would I?" He turned and started to leave.

"I will stalk you to the ends of the earth!" Kisami cried after him, and he stopped dead in his tracks.

"You'll _what_?"

"…Follow you to the ends of the earth."

"That isn't what you said."

The short girl coughed the word 'stalk', and then grinned to cover it up.

Hiei groaned. "No," was his repeated response.

"Pleeeease?" was her repeated answer.

"No."

"Please?"

The alternating 'please' and 'no' continued for a short while, Kisami's 'please's getting shorter with each time and less drawn out, as if she was loosing vigor.

Finally, Hiei just decided not to answer, and headed for the stairs, only to be tackled at an alarming speed by Kisami. "_Oh for fuck's sake_!" Hiei shouted, and Kurama winced, but couldn't help but feel amused at the fire demon's suffering.

"Teach me, teach me, _teach me_!"

"Get. Off. Me."

"…Only if you agree to teach me."

After a short warning growl from Hiei, the girl was flung off of him, but he was tripped as he tried to continue up the stairs, only to find that Kisami was already attached to his legs again, this time both so that he couldn't even _attempt_ to walk.

"_Get off me!_" Hiei's voice was at near-squeaking (Near only because it was so deep in the first place…if he had Kurama's voice, no doubt he'd be shrilly screeching like a three-year-old already.) point, now.

Kurama just chuckled an moved to watch the events unfurl.

"Teach me!"

"No!"

"Teach me!"

"No!"

"Teach me how to be awesome!"

"_I SAID NO_!"

Kurama went to the kitchen and unwrapped a package of popcorn, sticking it in the microwave and returning to watch the two bicker. Hiei looked at him desperately, then twitched and lowered his eyelids in a comedic show of annoyance as he heard the popcorn in the kitchen. "Is that—"

"Yes."

"Do you really plan on—"

"Yes."

"…I hate you."

"I know." Kurama grinned.

Hiei rolled his eyes and returned to trying to wriggle out of Kisami's grasp. "Get. The hell. Off me."

"Not until you teach me to be as awesome as you!"

"I refuse."

"Then I won't get off."

Kurama tried not to think of how many perverted comments could be spawned from this situation and kept himself from chuckling.

"…Alright, what do I have to bribe you with to make you leave me alone?"

"Your teachings. Of awesomeness."

"Other than that," Hiei growled flatly.

"Uhm…" A twisted grin curled on her lips. "I can think of a few thi—"

Hiei cut her off before she could even _try_ to mention one of the things she was thinking, and said, "If I do this 'teaching' thing, will you leave me alone?"

"After you're done," Kisami replied with a cheery grin.

"…And you'll never talk to me again?"

"Yup!"

"Ever?"

"Yup!"

"…Fine."

His 'fine' was cut off just at the end as she did another one of her 'squee!'s, this one louder than the others, and Hiei had to wonder why he hadn't just killed her.

* * *

**Authoress's Note:** Short first chapter. Woot. There will be no romance in this fanfiction at all, so no worries there. Just Kisami torturing Hiei and Kurama laughing from the sidelines. I have to admit, I'm rather averse to flames, but this fanfiction isn't exactly a work of brilliance, so go ahead if you feel the need to. Anyway, I actually amused myself more than I thought I would with this and might continue sooner than I originally thought. But 'Tears of the Sun' and 'Voices of the Lost Realm Book V: Scars' are still my first priority. 


	2. The Art of Annoyance

**Authoress's Note:** Thanks to my reviewers for the first chapter: Crazyloon598, Draco Orientalis, Song of a Fallen Angel, Oddacity, and MM-Sweet-Snow. Here's the requested second chapter—hope you like it.

**Claimer: **The overly(if not creepily)-obsessed fangirl Kisami is mine, not that it matters. Also, this strange fanfiction is also mine, as are the concepts and content. Minus, of course, what's listed in the 'disclaimer'. –Points-

**Disclaimer:** Yu-Yu-Hakusho is not mine.

* * *

Yusuke had to stare for a few seconds before he could speak. When he finally did, all he managed was, "What…the hell?"

Kuwabarra came over to stand next to Hiei, who was sitting on the floor, leaned against Kurama's bed, and poked the fangirl who was sitting atop Hiei's knee like a kitten and curled into a tiny ball (And, somehow, she actually managed not to fall off, despite the fact she was roughly Hiei's size and technically such a thing shouldn't be possible. Although, had that been mentioned to her, she most likely would have just said 'Anime!'). She hissed like a feral cat at the physical contact, but at Hiei's 'shut up', immediately made a queer purring noise and ceased her complaining. "So…how did you get stuck with her again?"

Hiei just growled and fixated his gaze on his faded boots, looking quite content to keep his eyes there for a long while.

"Well, the specific way it happened," Kurama explained, "is lost to me, but when Hiei came to me this morning she was…" He cut off and coughed a single time to control his chuckling that no doubt translated into a death with to the fire demon. "…_handcuffed_ to him. And she was riding him—"

"Shut it, fox."

"She was _what_!" Yusuke exclaimed, his automatically-perverted mind not even considering a piggyback as Kurama's meaning. He completely ignored the fact that Hiei had interrupted Kurama.

"Riding him piggyback-style," Kurama finished, shrugging. "Like I said, how it happened is a lost cause to even consider (Though I am quite curious, I must admit)."

Yusuke bit his bottom lip and tried to keep himself from laughing, only because, as with Kurama, he realized Hiei would kill him for it. "And she's just going to…stay there?" the detective asked in an obviously-amused tone.

"Until he trains her 'how to be awesome', apparently," Kurama agreed with a second palm-up shrug.

Yusuke laughed lightly, then covered his mouth until he stifled it, then muttered in a humored voice, "What the hell does that mean?"

"I'm not sure. But Hiei agreed to it."

"Why would he do that?" Kuwabarra cut in.

"In exchange for her never speaking to him again when it's over," Kurama responded, and though his demeanor remained calm, his voice betrayed that he saw the event as comedic as well.

Yusuke looked at Kisami, who had her eyes closed, a strange, cat-like grin plastered on her lips nonetheless. Her appearance had Cheshire Cat written all over it. Actually, it almost seemed as though she were a pet-version of the Cheshire Cat, though the thought of Hiei having a pet immediately set off another round of clumsy snickering from the detective.

Kuwabarra was the next to speak. "Why'd you call us over, Kurama? I mean, if he agreed to it—"

"It was his only choice at the moment," Kurama interrupted, acting as though it had been a life-or-death, grave situation. Frankly, by the doomed expression on Hiei's face, it looked like he thought it had been and still was. "I called you in hopes that you could help me figure out a way out of it for him. You know Hiei would never ask for help on his own. He's too stubborn." Enjoying himself, the fox turned to Hiei's 'pet'. "Isn't that right, Kisami?"

"Yes!" she piped up with a huge grin, and continued, "Hiei's the stubbornnest person alive!"

"'Stubbornnest' isn't a word," Hiei muttered idly, not even affording the girl a glance.

"You're talking about this in front of her?" Kuwabarra asked. "I mean, if she's paying attention she'd know about our plan, if we can think of one."

"She has the brain capacity of a chipmunk," Hiei growled, "and not a very smart one, either. Besides, she has the memory of a goldfish. She'll get nothing from this conversation."

"You're so cruel," Kisami purred, not even seeming to mind that his cruelty had been directed at her.

"So…she won't care?" Kuwabarra said after a moment of staring at Kisami, who hadn't moved since they had arrived besides to talk.

"Won't care, won't notice, and won't comprehend," was Hiei's flat response. Hiei moved his leg, which had been in a V-shape to match the other, and straightened it, and Kisami quickly scrambled over to his other knee and resumed her position.

"…That was just creepy," Kuwabarra muttered at Yusuke.

"It was _awesome_," Yusuke corrected with a stupefied look, as if the fact that Hiei didn't even notice Kisami's movements was amazing. "I mean, Hiei has his own personal _stalker_."

Kuwabarra just stared at Yusuke with a 'And people say _I'm_ an idiot?' look.

"While I'm sure you're all amusing yourselves," Hiei grumbled after a moment's silence, "I'm not. So start thinking of plans to get her away from me before I kill you all."

"Ah, but if you kill us, Hiei," Kurama reminded the fire demon, the amusement never leaving his voice, "you'll have no one to watch you suffer."

Hiei glared at Kurama incredulously. "Is that your feeble attempt at motivation?"

"No, it's just the truth."

The short, black-haired youkai before him rolled his eyes and closed them, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Well, while everybody else tries to think of ways to get me off," Kisami said randomly, "you can start teaching me your Godly wisdom of awesomeness!"

"I thought he said she wasn't listening," Kuwabarra mumbled to Yusuke, who was enjoying himself vastly too much to listen to his idiot friend.

"No."

Kisami pouted at Hiei's flat response, then said, "The sooner you get it over with, the sooner you can stop having to deal with me."

Hiei opened one eye and glared steely at the small human located on his knee, who now had her eyes open as well and was looking at Hiei expectantly, her never-ceasing crooked grin ever-present. "I hate you," he growled, opening his other crimson orb and straightening out his other leg, standing and sending Kisami toppling. The girl quickly recovered and followed Hiei like a puppy as he left the room, the Koorime shoving past Kurama none-too-gently.

"Where are you going, Hiei?" Kurama called after him.

"To get this idiot off my hands," was the pissed off reply, "as all of you are obviously too busy giggling like morons to think of anything to help me."

"He's right there," Yusuke chuckled, leaning off Kurama's bed and watching the fire demon and his shorter 'psycho-stalker' head down the stairs.

"We really should try and help him," Kurama said after all the mocking chuckling had died down. "After all, I know _I_ wouldn't want a human girl following me everywhere."

"Yeah, but he's _Hiei_. He's the last person I would have expected to gain a stalker." Yusuke shrugged. "I have no sympathy for him. I already have that with Keiko."

"But Keiko isn't obviously _disturbed_," Kurama chided Yusuke. "And you are actually fond of Keiko."

"Give it time. Hiei'll like Kisami, too."

Kurama stared at Yusuke, and the detective proceeded to smack himself on the forehead. "God, what am I _saying_? Of course he won't like her. _I_ don't like her, 'cept for the laugh (And possible blackmail) I get from watching the entire thing happening." Kurama's look told Yusuke he knew the only reason he didn't like Kisami was the whole creepy-grin thing and that he didn't know her, but Yusuke chose to ignore it and continue. "Keiko's screwing with my mind on people caring about other people." He shook his head. "I guess we should try and think of something."

**:Elsewhere:**

"Soooo, what're you teaching me first?"

"How to shut up," Hiei mumbled automatically, not even paying attention to Kisami, and he flickered from her view, reappearing in a tree nearby. She scrambled as quickly as she could to follow him, standing before the tree (Which proved much too tall for her to climb) and wondered how the almost as equally short Hiei had gotten into it.

Kisami finally settled on sitting underneath him, against the trunk of the tree, when her height failed yet again to get her into it and next to Hiei.

As the fire demon glared at her, he had to wonder why he didn't use his handy speed to get away from her. But as he considered, his naturally-paranoid-of-Kisami (for good reasoning) mind made him realize that trying to run from her only equaled getting tackled and latched on to. So he'd best not try.

"I know you told me to shut up—"

"Then try listening."

Kisami pouted for only a few seconds before she quickly finished, "butIreallywantolearnsomethingbesideshowtoshutup."

Hiei glared down at her again, as he had looked away for the shortest of moments. "As you obviously haven't learned how to shut up well, why don't you practice it?"

Kisami snorted. "Look, just 'cause I'm psychotic doesn't mean I'm as stupid as I seem. I know you just want me to shut up and leave you alone 'til you can find a way of getting rid of me."

"You don't need a single brain cell to gather that, so you've yet to prove you aren't as stupid as you sound."

Again, Kisami cut off and got the look of a child who had just lost a fight with their parents, and then she mumbled, "Teach me something. It could take less time to train me in your awesomeness than it would to figure a plan of how to get away from me." Suddenly her devious Cheshire grin, which had been lost for a grand total of forty-four seconds, re-made its appearance, and she said, "Or—"

Hiei wasn't sure what she was going to say, but he didn't particularly care or care to find out, and he had Kisami at sword point before she could finish. "Shut up, onna. For the last time."

Kisami looked stunned, before she suddenly giggled and hugged herself onto his sword, somehow not cutting herself despite the fact the blade could slice a hair ten times over, and when he lifted the sword again, she had herself positioned on the blunt side and hanging off it like a possum, her arms hanging down and touching the ground. "Really, though," she said, as if he had been joking the past few minutes, "what's first?"

Hiei couldn't tell if she was actually that stupid, or if she was just pretending, but he finally decided she was too idiotic to even think of feigning stupidity and settled on the first.

A human passed them, staring blankly, opening his mouth to ask what the hell was going on, but Hiei's fleeting glare was enough to send the human skittering with a squeak. "What am I supposed to be teaching you, again?" Hiei asked, his voice lacking any trace of enthusiasm.

Kisami was busy staring at him and was unable to reply for a few seconds, before she cooed, in a voice that made Hiei flinch away from her visibly, "THAT! You can't even ask me after you do something like _that_! It was awesome!"

"…And…what did I just do that was so impressive?"

"…Be awesome." And then, after a blank glare from Hiei, "You made that guy run away just by _looking_ at him!" She 'squee'ed yet again. At the sound, Hiei's eye twitched. "That's what I mean by teaching me to be awesome!"

"Anyone can do that," Hiei muttered, "with red eyes. It isn't a very common trait."

Kisami looked up at him, linking eyes, and then she melted again and made a queer purring noise that resembled, 'I knowww…'

Hiei shuddered. _I'm never going to get used to that._

Kisami reformed within a split second, and said, "Get used to what?"

…_Or that._ "Nothing." Hiei finally flipped her off his sword (though she had almost slid off when she became her puddle of fangirliness) by swiftly hitting the hilt in a way that somehow sent her flying. "So you just want me to teach you how to glare at humans?"

"Among other things," Kisami said after she'd recovered from the ten-foot catapult launch Hiei was fairly sure (with satisfaction) that she'd narrowly survived.

Hiei shrugged and sprang up into the tree, sitting on the branch and leaning against the trunk.

Kisami's eyes acquired a strange, sparkly glint (accompanied by the ever-present hungry look that always scared Hiei) and she made the odd purring noise yet again.

It was beyond Hiei how a scrawny human who was obviously no threat to his health left him vastly more jittery than the aborted apocalypse a few years back when Sensui had Chapter Black in his control. But somehow, she did.

It took Hiei only seconds to become aware of the fact that Kisami was still staring at him in her usual, creepy manner. "What now?" he groaned.

"Same thing as before!" she replied, sounding impatient. "Teach me!"

"Must I?"

"You agreed to it! 'Course you do! Or I'll beat you with a wet noodle! …And not in a good way!"

Hiei stared at her open-mouthed for a few moments before he gathered himself enough to say, "There's a _good_ way?"

"Uhh…maybe. I don't know." Kisami shrugged, then shot up the tree like a squirrel, and Hiei backed down the branch to elude her attack, wondering how exactly it was that she had been unable to climb the tree before and had just done so with ease. "So?"

Hiei gave a low, pissed off sigh and growled, "'So' what?"

"So…teach me something."

"You're persistence is annoying."

Kisami gave him her trademark crooked grin. "And I will continue to be persistent 'til you teach me."

Hiei absently ran his hand through his hair and stood, leaping off the branch and tapping onto the ground neatly and without sound. "Fine. Follow m—" He planned on 'me', but Kisami somehow found a way to scramble down the tree and attach herself to Hiei's ankle, grinning her scrunch-faced pug grin. After waiting and seeing that she did not plan on moving to get off or moving in general, Hiei sighed. "Alright, what do I have to do _this_ time to get you off?"

Because Hiei was right in his conclusion that she had a few screws missing, Kisami didn't think of the beautiful opportunity Hiei was offering, seeing as how she could make him do quite a lot with the promise of her leaving him alone. Because of this, she only said, "Well, you said…well, were _going_ to say 'follow me', so I chose to just do this instead. Much easier than following you."

"For _you_," Hiei snarled at her, picking his leg up the slightest bit off the ground and shaking it like a cat trying to shake water from its paw. Unfortunately, she had a better grip than water droplets and it was to no avail. Not that Hiei had thought it would work…he was not that blissfully ignorant. "You're not going to move, are you?" he finally said flatly, looking down his nose at her as if he were a librarian ((A/N: A very _sexy_ librarian. –Gigglesnort- …Sorry. Inside joke.)).

"Nope!"

…Again, the pug-squint of doom. Hiei was never going to be able to pass a pug without trying to kill it now. "Fine, you win," the fire demon growled at the small girl, yanking on his foot again in vain, "but that just means we're staying here."

"And you're going to teach meee?" Kisami purred. Hiei couldn't tell if it was honestly a question, or an insistence.

"Yes. To get rid of you." He didn't bother censoring the second half for Kisami's sake, and she didn't seem to mind, anyway. "Now, where to start…"

* * *

**Authoress's Note:** Okay, so that was much shorter than the first chapter….but, anyway, this fanfiction will probably only be one or two more chapters after this. Hopefully you enjoy the on-going randomness. (Also, sorry for drawing out the 'argument' between Kisami and Hiei…it was only to be realistic. X3) 


End file.
